Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
