I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish I only lived at night.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Randomize
