capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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