Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
