I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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