My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
