My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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