Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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