I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
