Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize