Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
