I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
