You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
