I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
