he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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