what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
