why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
