i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
