the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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