Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
