im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
