Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
