Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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