Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
