is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize