Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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