I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
