you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
