I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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