Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
