sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
