He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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