then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Two words: nipple clamps
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