I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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