I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
