bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
