i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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