Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
