haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
