my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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