Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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