oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
