got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
