if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
