My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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