he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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