I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
