Don't make out with my wife yet
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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