Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
