I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
