I just pynch a tree in the face
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
