i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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