Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
