I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
