I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize