My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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