I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
