Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
