I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize