I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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