I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
