Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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