I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we're making bets on your personal life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
