Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Enjoy the penises
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
