Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize