That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize